Living in the beautiful Perth hills, Western Australia, with my ever patient husband, two dogs (who think they're gods gift to comedy - but they mainly do burp and fart jokes), an old cat (who beats up animals twice her size for fun), six amusing hens and a flock of seven ducks (run by the infamous, handsome - his words, not mine - Duck Norris, who thinks he's set to become Australia's next Prime Minister and will issue a swift kick to anyone who says otherwise). Yes, we're all definitely mad here.
I like when things happen to other people, instead of just me. Especially when it’s family, because then I can blame the level of ridiculous life experiences on GENETICS.
My parents neighbour has gone away on holidays. They found out from another person that she was concerned her because she hadn’t seen her dog come outside on her CCTV cameras since she’d been gone. She has a very fluffy, white dog.
It was no problem though, because my dad was immediately on the case. See, he’d seen another neighbour talking to a bunch of people in a van the day before. A bunch of people who were all passing around a fluffy white dog! They had stolen the dog. He was certain of it. So he marched over to the house and asked the lady about her friends with the dog. The lovely neighbour told him the friends had been there, but there was no dog. Not to be deterred by this obvious lie, my dad continued to tell her they definitely had a dog matching the description of the other neighbours missing dog. He had solved the case and now all he needed to do was get the dog back to its rightful owner. He was going to be a hero. The neighbour asked whether he could have mistaken her young daughter for the white fluffy dog. Incredulous, dad told her that he was pretty sure he could distinguish between her daughter and a dog. He did have his glasses on after all. The lady said she would check it out with her friends and get back to him.
Dad returned home to wait – satisfied that he had gotten to the bottom of this terrible crime.
A while later, as it was getting on in the afternoon and getting a little chilly, the neighbour came around to report she’d spoken to her friends and they definitely hadn’t seen a fluffy white dog. Holding her hand was her small daughter….in a very fluffy, white jacket…
We’re quite convinced that our neighbours are all a bunch of weirdos (I mean seriously, one of them has a giant statue of a very naked man in the centre of an otherwise bare front garden. It now even has … Continue reading →
On Tuesday, I looked out the front door to see someone walking up the path. It was the Western Power man, wanting to check our meter reading. Our cat was lounging in her cat bed, a raised platform, right underneath … Continue reading →
I swear we don’t go more than a few weeks without having to turn up to the vet with one of the animals. Now when I call them, they actually recognise my voice. My Father in Law once suggested we … Continue reading →
Duck Norris is not impressed. He just found out, here in Australia, our Prime Minister got kicked out of office and taken over by someone else last week. He said no-one told him you could do it like that, if … Continue reading →
A few days ago we discovered our cat, Jaz, was ill. We found her hiding in her cat house outside, refusing to come in and refusing to eat. She had been fine during the morning, but she’s 18 years old … Continue reading →
We’re currently renovating our back garden. It’s a large project that’s taking up most of every weekend but it’s all fun and Ben and I are loving every minute and not arguing at all. Ok, some of that might be … Continue reading →
So for the last few days I’ve been hearing a young rooster, learning to crow, coming from the back neighbours property. Every morning I stand in our kitchen with a small smile listening to the half scream, half dying antelope … Continue reading →
Found a letter pushed under the chicken coop door. Duck Norris is officially out of control. I think we can count on the chickens to be our spies, but I’m too scared to tell them incase they start demanding spy … Continue reading →
I think we need to stage an intervention, or at least monitor who Rosie the robotic vacuum cleaner makes friends with. She has suddenly started getting up to clean at 2.30am for no reason. I suspect drugs and I suspect … Continue reading →