WHY IS THERE A DEAD RAT IN YOUR CAR? Spoiler alert: there wasn’t.

So Ben and I always “discuss” the fact that I don’t find it necessary to clean my car.  I would say argue, but we don’t argue, if it looks like we’re arguing it’s probably because he’s wrong and I’m telling him why he’s wrong.   He bought me the car before we were married.  At the car dealership he made me promise I would “keep it neat and tidy” along with other ridiculous and far fetched promises, like I would never go over the speed limit.  I think it should be fairly obvious that when someone is buying you a car, it’s pretty much the equivalent of a teenage boy trying to get a girl into bed – you’ll say anything to make it happen.

As well as all the general things I assume everyone keeps in their car – clothes, bags, lunchbox containers and bales of straw – no I made that one up (I didn’t) I have also taken to keeping all the snacks I don’t want to share in my car door pocket.

We were on the way home on the weekend and Ben was driving.  He started pulling empty chip and chocolate packets out of the door pocket and handing them to me, with the same lecture I’d heard a million times.  I was pretty sure he was just upset that he hadn’t been involved in the eating of the snacks, so I tuned out, until suddenly he screamed and almost ran off the road.  What he screamed was “I JUST PUT MY HAND ON A DEAD RAT!”

My first thought was “Oh no, the poor rat, did it get trapped in there somehow?” which Ben pointed out later was significant – due to the fact that I hadn’t immediately thought there was no possible way there would be a dead rat in my car.  But I had just assumed he wouldn’t lie about something like that and thought that said something lovely about our relationship.

He reached back in and pulled out a banana skin.  It was very anti-climatic – for me.  He still seemed to get rather over-excited – yelling and pointing at the furry mould that was growing on it.  I charitably said “Oh yes, that looks just like rat fur” but he didn’t seem to be at all grateful to me for agreeing with him.

I found the entire episode completely hysterical, and now I’m not allowed to buy bananas anymore.

rat banana


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