Duck Norris is not allowed to design stuff

A couple of months ago, Ben went away for work, so the house went crazy.  This always happens the minute he gets on the plane.  The dogs got sick, a chicken went broody, the back glass door fell off and I started seeing these flyers appear on the Quackhouse door. Duck Norris says he would be able to get his campaign off the ground properly if I gave him a computer and internet access. He has been denied. He said he’s promising extra peas for everyone, more free-range time and “more slugs than you can poke a stick at” for the whole country, but he intends to set up a crowd funding app for that. DO NOT SEND HIM ANY MONEY.

Norris primeminister

After I’d pulled all the posters down, told the chickens that they absolutely did not need to do his typing, no matter what he said, and cancelled his order for 10,000 “Norris for Prime Minister” badges, we struck another hurdle..

Norris found out I sell egg carton labels, and when he asked to see which ones we use to stick on our cartons when we give away eggs, I told him I hadn’t bothered to make one for us. He started getting hysterical, so I said he could design one.
I tried to give him helpful tips, like: people enjoy getting eggs as a gift, the labels are meant to make them extra nice. I usually start them off something like: “With love from…” or “Especially for you…” or “Laid fresh for you by….” etc.
His first designs got vetoed, because no-one wants to see PROUDLY INSEMINATED BY DUCK NORRIS or I GOT SEXY TIME, YOU GOT BREAKFAST right there on their egg carton. He’s come up with a new design, but I get the impression he’s still pretty miffed about me rejecting his first ones..

norris pic

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7 thoughts on “Duck Norris is not allowed to design stuff

  1. I’d advised not giving him Internet access myself. By the way, does he have much policy overlap with Donald “Duck” Trump in the USA?

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    • I tried to ask him about policy overlaps and he got a bit hysterical. Started yelling something about “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE DUCK LEADER” and “LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT HIS HAIR!” He refuses to agree with anyone who’s “head feathers” look like that apparently. He then told me he’d need internet access to double check the rest of his policies. I told him I wasn’t born yesterday.

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      • Thank you for asking him about policy overlaps. I’m sorry he gave you such a hard time.

        He’s pretty shrewd, though, isn’t he? I would probably have fallen for that “double checking his policies” line.

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      • I’ve fallen for so many of his lines already. Last time I caught him just in time to cancel the order for 75 bags of peas from the local grocery store. I almost had to cancel my credit card. He is extremely shrewd but says I shouldn’t feel bad, I’m probably just star struck by his incredible good looks.

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      • Must be a handful to deal with, by the sounds of it. I’m not sure I agree with him about his incredible good looks (of course, I’m not a duck).

        Having said that, I do admit he cuts rather a dashing figure in your banner with his top hat, monocle and moustache.

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      • Uh-oh, he’s now stalking around the yard trying to force all the girl ducks to sign some sort of statement to say he’s the handsomest duck they’ve ever seen. I think I might buy him a big mirror, it might be the secret to controlling him, he won’t move from in front of it all day!

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