A couple of months ago, Ben went away for work, so the house went crazy. This always happens the minute he gets on the plane. The dogs got sick, a chicken went broody, the back glass door fell off and I started seeing these flyers appear on the Quackhouse door. Duck Norris says he would be able to get his campaign off the ground properly if I gave him a computer and internet access. He has been denied. He said he’s promising extra peas for everyone, more free-range time and “more slugs than you can poke a stick at” for the whole country, but he intends to set up a crowd funding app for that. DO NOT SEND HIM ANY MONEY.
After I’d pulled all the posters down, told the chickens that they absolutely did not need to do his typing, no matter what he said, and cancelled his order for 10,000 “Norris for Prime Minister” badges, we struck another hurdle..
Norris found out I sell egg carton labels, and when he asked to see which ones we use to stick on our cartons when we give away eggs, I told him I hadn’t bothered to make one for us. He started getting hysterical, so I said he could design one.
I tried to give him helpful tips, like: people enjoy getting eggs as a gift, the labels are meant to make them extra nice. I usually start them off something like: “With love from…” or “Especially for you…” or “Laid fresh for you by….” etc.
His first designs got vetoed, because no-one wants to see PROUDLY INSEMINATED BY DUCK NORRIS or I GOT SEXY TIME, YOU GOT BREAKFAST right there on their egg carton. He’s come up with a new design, but I get the impression he’s still pretty miffed about me rejecting his first ones..